october

october, i found a job at a store, love the job itself it's what i want to do. but not so much the shit that's been happening...it's making me paranoid. supposedly i've had a cash register money shortage and totally did not expect this to happen so i've no idea and no proof wtf happened, feeling really down/worried/paranoid. most of my colleagues i think are nice people, if i made a mistake then that's my responsibility but i don't know when or where i went wrong so i keep pondering about it. i didn't eat all day today and barely slept, trying to figure it out.
i feel stupid but also the more i keep thinking the more i start to realise it might not have even been my fault, obviously i can't mention this to them because it would look like i'm not picking up my responsibility and am looking for excuses.
i guess some things you'll never know for sure and just have to accept it and never know what was the cause.

supposed to go to antwerp tomorrow to get together and make some ridiculously loud music, i don't even feel like it, but i did just open a bottle of very nice merlot maybe that will change the mood a bit. i work on friday, fingers crossed, i even hope to get some clarity on what happened but doubt i will get any and just have to go through the whole day with evil eyes on me.
my friend made a doom/noise compilation that should be ready on friday so i have that to look forward to when i need to clear my mind friday evening. i made a track for it too (mcs) and am really looking forward to other contributions !!