sometimes i really wonder what the fuck i'm doing or doing the right thing if there's even such a thing. i'm not talking about personal or professional stuff, but about my hobby.
i love making music, i love playing in bands and the interaction and energy, but i also love being alone to make music..just that i'm not sure what i'm doing right now is right...when i'm just having fun and just make goofy loud sounds i so love doing it...like ...very selfish. but then when i realise someone else hears it, wether they say it sucks or doesn't i can't help but feel awkward. it's almost like a guilty pleasure you don't want anyone to know but at the same time you think it's cool and you want people to know...really torn. it's like having a crush on someone but you know it's gonna make you vulnerable when you tell them so you keep it to yourself..but then in some moment of randomness (or drunknenness lol) you let them know and the next day you're like 'wtf did i do...fuuuck i feel awkward, what are they gonna think of me' and all these thoughts are racing through your head.
..i guess it's an ego thing, ego sucks.
3 comments:
I know exactly how you feel - i hate hearing when people tell me my music is cool/sucks. I dont know how to act. It's like this mystery unexplained emotion that I don't know what to do with.
Awesome spathicasts btw.
glad you enjoyed the podcasts !
I always feel really flattered when people compliment me on any music or anything I make. It makes me think perhaps they will be inspired to do something themselves, and I might listen to it/look at it and enjoy it and do something, and so the cycle continues in a big loop. It's a positive thing! I don't really think any music outright 'sucks' anymore, I either like it or I don't. I always think 'fair play' to people just for getting off their arses and doing something.
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