down

haven't played guitar in over a month i think, all this crap i have go through to be turned down for yet another job just keeps me from doing what i love doing and what i'm really good at (i guess?). makes me feel really down. i get home from some stupid course i have to take with a bunch of retards because i'm unemployed and as soon as i get home i put on some gg allin or dick spikie or whatever and try top forget about all this stupid stuff. retards and immigrants run off with jobs so really..whatever, it's not like i care anymore..which is a bit scary. i' not passionate about anything anymore these days, sometimes i just go to sleep at 9pm because it takes me away, sometimes i go out all night and get wasted and hope to not have to deal with all this crap anymore the next day.


i was told by our em.."bass player" he found a drummer for HVM but those people just don't communicate so whatever, i don't care much anymore, bands stab you in the back at some point anyway, it's been the case with all the bands i've been in so far.
i play drums in an improv thing in antwerp with some pals, that makes me happy and relieves me, i put a mic through a bunch of effects and make random noises, that makes me happy. i have a partner who is the coolest person in the world, that makes me happy. all the other crap sometimes gets the upperhand.